Ummm, hello? Why are you here? Is this a good thing?
Well, you’re here. So let me tell you a bit about myself. I’m Josephine. Well, I think I was named Josie, like after that stupid song Josie and the Pussy Cats? But somehow when I was a kitten I seemed to get in trouble. Like all the damn time. And my human started calling me Josephine. Like somehow the longer name went with her yelling at me? I used to like to break stuff. It was especially fun to push ceramic things off counter tops. Splat. Oh, and climb up the curtains and pull them off the wall. Those were such good times.
Now I just sort of hang out. Most often in a box. I love a good box. Like most cats, it doesn’t matter the size. I pray to the Amazon Gods to make sure I get a fresh supply every so often.
Although sometimes it’s a bit too much. Like which box should I pick? I keep going back and forth. Back and forth. Those are the stressful days.
When I’m not hanging out in or on boxes, I really enjoy watching my human. No matter where she is, I always find her. She doesn’t know how much I love to watch her. Shhhh. Don’t tell her.
The other thing I like to do is eat flowers. Especially the Gerbera daisies. They are one of my human’s favorites. I wait until one is just about at full bloom. That’s when they taste the best. For some reason my human gets mad when I eat her favorite flowers. So I sit and make sure no one is watching me. You gotta act fast, you know?
While I like flowers, I really don’t enjoy hanging outside by myself. There’s these things with wings that really freak me out. But it IS fun to sit and stare back inside through the kitchen windows. I told you I like to watch my human right? Shhh. Don’t tell her.
It’s bad if I lose track of my human. I don’t like it. Especially if it starts to rain and I can’t get back inside.
Generally I can take a nap anywhere. My human likes it when I take a nap. She says I never took naps as a kitten. Like ever. I used to sit and watch her all day. Just in case she left me by myself. I couldn’t let that happen.
Cushy places are pretty nice too. I enjoy a good pillow. Blanket. Sweatshirt.
Oh. And I have a dog. He’s called Rufus. He never got a longer name like me. They always say “Rufus is a good boy“… he’s alright I guess. Whatever.
We hang out sometimes. But he never lets me cuddle with him. He’s got issues. Dogs, ‘ya know? But I just figured something out… that lush den he’s always claimed? Guess what? I can go in there too. And he doesn’t have the balls to kick me out.
Well… tennis balls. He has those. He LOVES those. And I have to admit, when he’s not around, I enjoy rolling around the floor with a good tennis ball myself. Not like the stupid string stuff my human tries to get me to play with. That’s for pussies.
My human thinks this is hysterical. It certainly is not.
Did I tell you I enjoy staring at my human. It’s my favorite activity really.
Sometimes my human decides to take a photo of me. So I have learned to strike a pose. She seems to like it. Whatever.
Sometimes I try to look cute. Like soft and squishy cute. I don’t know why I do this. I am NOT soft and squishy. I don’t enjoy being squished. Or held. Sometimes I forget and let it happen. Then I remember I don’t like it.
But really I like it best when I can just observe. I find the side-eye works best. But you know, whatever works in the moment. I’m good at finding a vantage point.
The best vantage point is at the top of the stairs. I can look down and see who’s coming up…
The best part is when the humans don’t notice me. Shhhh. Don’t tell them.